Snow is for Sissies

Looks like a big ol’ chunk of North America is getting doused by God’s dandruff this morning. That’s right — snowstorms. Already, sissies on Facebook are complaining about it. Pantywaist weatherman are talking shit about tire chains and snowblowers. Stragglers are late into work. “Muh-muh da snowwwww,” they say. “Twaaaffffiiccc.”

Oh, I’m sorry — did snow in December surprise you, you weather ignorant wusses? Awwww — did the bad weather make you stay in bed a little bit longer even though you should have left EARLIER this morning? If so, maybe it’s time to stop sucking on yer mother’s titty, ditch the diapers, and grow up.

Fact: I was late for work on account of weather once. May 18, 1980, when the cataclysmic soundwaves caused by my rendition of Van Halen’s “Eruption” guitar solo CAUSED MT. ST. HELEN’S TO ERUPT.

Below is a pisspoor imitation of what I played that fateful morning. Oddly, I was wearing exactly the same clothes as the yutz in the video.

Bottom line: get to work.


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One Response to “Snow is for Sissies”

  1. Gregory Despain Says:

    A thoughtful insight and ideas I will use on my blog. You’ve obviously spent some time on this. Well done!

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