The Worst News Ever

When big news happens, you tend to handle it better if you’re sitting down. If not, the blood might retreat from your brain, causing you to faint. But really, to sit or to stand, it’s never your choice. The best you can hope for is to be seated. It’s just safer that way.

I remember things vividly from that night. My family and I were traveling north. It was the Hanukah time of year. Happiness and glee are supposed to be the norm. Yet, outside it was cold and dark. In retrospect, I should have taken that as a kind of foreshadowing. To make matters worse, there was a driving rain coating our vehicle, keeping it from securely planting its four wheels on the slick pavement. The occupants in the front seat were silent. Almost in a premonitory way. Then. Then the unspeakable happened. Looking back on it, I’m certain that the seatbelt around my shoulder kept me from reaching out in horror and smashing my face through the passenger window. When something like this happens, preparation is the last thing on your mind. We reached the intersection. The traffic light an ominous red. And that’s when it happened. One of the “St. Louis” chicken wing franchises had changed its name to “Bistro”. Honestly, what the fuck is that shit.

No one ever told me how to handle bad news.

Hot damn could I go for a cooch stogie right about now. Get Brofi Annan on the horn(y).


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One Response to “The Worst News Ever”

  1. H-bomb Says:

    just saw the “cooch stogie” bit and threw up in my mouth a little.

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