The Pickup Artist Will Get You Killed

According to The Pickup Artist (AKA Mystery, AKA Erik von Markovik, AKA A douche who looks like an idiot), a “guy” who pretends to know about dating and all things getting laid, the act of ‘peacocking’ involves “using a man’s clothing and adapting his behavior in an over the top and flashy manner, for the purpose of attracting women — but not necessarily a mate”.

Hmmm….Interesting theory indeed, but what I witnessed with my own two breast oglers pretty much disproves his idiotic notion. So, Mystery from the Pickup Artist, sure your show was wildly entertaining, extremely helpful (I did finally get laid- by a hooker, no less), and was a ratings juggerhead, but I’m here to say that the act of peacocking is downright dangerous.

Now maybe I’m being too literal about all this, but yesterday I was at the Zoo. That’s not the literal part, so calm the shit down. And at this zoo, the peacocks are allowed to roam freely and basically do as they please. I even saw this one peacock having its way with a cougar. As in, feeling up a human mom well into her 40s with tits like a Nicaraguan orangutan. Anyway, I guess the peacocks at the zoo have become, well, a bit cocky. Somehow, one of the more bold ‘cocks with feathers longer than John Holmes’s dick in length, found its way into a cage with some sweet Sumatran puss. I’ll spare you the gory details.

The moral of the story? No matter how pretty your fancy fathers are, tigers will straight up eat you.
To death.

For reference, here’s a picture of a rhinoceros whose farts you could literally see.


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One Response to “The Pickup Artist Will Get You Killed”

  1. H-bomb Says:

    The only true pick-up artist is Dimitri the lover. Check it:

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