This Is a Picture of a Penis

Talvid is fuggin’ furious. I’m more mad even than the time I was in a menage with two A-List Hollywood actorettes, who I won’t name because I’m a gentleman, and one of them, a topless Jessica Alba, made eye-contact with the other, an equally topless Jessica Biel, after I explicitly told them not to.

Where was I? Oh yeah, in a hotel room. Where the eff else do you think I’d have my own personal topless nude sex scene with A-List Hollywood actresses who I won’t name? (Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba).

But the thing I’m fuming about right now is Justin Bieber. Talvid’s team of web analysts has learned that this very blog, TaDBoS (pronounced ‘Tadboss’) has been drawing traffic from Justin Bieber fans. Why? Because teenage girls have crazy good radars for sexy shit that makes them understand that their burgeoning womanhood is not something to be afraid of and that the weird warm feeling they get in their special private place isn’t a bad thing. (Also because Talvid reviewed My World 2.0)

Some of that traffic is probably from chickenhawks too.

There might — MIGHT — be things in the world that approach Talvid’s spontaneous “O”-inciting hotness, but for Justin Bieber to ride our Gucci-brand coattails to web fame and fortune is bushleague (and I’m not talking Pac-10 softball). I’m so mad that it’s hard to concentrate on whether or not my driver is maxing out my Murcielago’s performance right now. (I’m posting from my wire-fire equipped hobby car).

So this is an open warning, Bieber. Either give Talvid a thousand dollars or stop sending hormone-addled teens with Augusta National-approved putting green pubes to TaDBoS.

You have a good life. I assume you want to keep it that way. (I know — “assume” makes an ass out of you and me. But brother, I got all the ass I need.)

$20s only.

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One Response to “This Is a Picture of a Penis”

  1. H-bomb Says:

    more updatez, pleaseee.

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