Archive for July, 2010

Open Letter To All The Haters

July 21, 2010

It has come to the attention of Talvid that there are a growing number of you out there sipping the Haterade. Flavour: Sour Grape Peepee.
Let me ask you a question, foe; what specifically is your ish with TADBOS? Is it because you’ve seen a picture of him in a fashion rag getting free of charge suckoffs from models who don’t get out of bed for less than 10 large? Is it because he turned down the nobel peace prize for cocklength (the first and last to be nominated, no doubt). Is it because one time, No Doubt asked Talvid to replace Gwen Stefani right after she became pregnant and less fuckable?
Truth be told, as we like to say, it’s because Talvid is a two part end titty. You wish there was more room for the passé teak likes of your kind. But there isn’t. Look in the mirror, do an Old Spice routine. You are not the man that you want to be. You can read what we write, but you can’t write what we read. If you find this offensive, I suggest you continue reading TADBOS until the blog ceases to exist. That’ll prolls be never. TADBOS, as of last week has been deemed an essential service. But what would you know about that, unessential dee-hole.


LeBron James Just Emailed Me

July 15, 2010

> Subject: Anything you want, bra — it’s on me

My #1 wiga! Come to South Beatch and party with me! It ain’t no party til it’s a Talvideesy party? Wot wot!

I told him “no-can-do”. That weekend, Talvid does charity bonin’ at the supermodel hospice.
These models are mostly dying of lust related diseases.

The Proper Blow Job Technique

July 13, 2010

Ladies, I know you’ve all been there. Dudes, I know some of you have been there too (not that I am totally ok with that). Today, after a month-long hi ate us from the blog of sphere, Talvid attempts to broach the very sensitive, and I mean more than just the tip, the shaft, or the balls, subject of blow jobs. I know what you’re thinking, this isn’t the forum to be discussing such things. After all, we’re not experts when it comes to the matter at hand. If we were, you’d think we were some kinda pansy who spends all his time in the kitchen wearing a ‘kiss the chef’ apron. Anyhoo, enough dye guessing. Here is Talvid’s version of the proper blow job technique. Don’t Judge.

1. Remove hot dog from Foreman Grill with tongs.
2. Remove chicken balls from deep fryer.
3. Arrange on plate to resemble subject.
4. Blow until cool enough to eat without burning your mouth.
5. Squirt mayonnaise on your face.
6. Enjoy!